Not my Will but Yours

“God is greater than our heart and knows all things.” I John 3:20

This verse is the context of condemnation and assurance in Christ Jesus. However, as I was meditating on it, I realized that it can also relate to what we are prone to base our decisions and actions on: feelings.

It’s so easy for me to shift my focus from the cross to what I’m feeling currently. We all have desires and longings that are not wrong in and of themselves and may even be from the Lord, such as the desire to go overseas to spread the Gospel, the desire to pursue a certain degree or course of study, the desire for marriage/family, etc. However, God’s ways and plans are above and greater than all these.

His ways are perfect. We may have lofty, ambitious, and terrific dreams, even ones that He has placed within us. However, they must constantly be surrendered to Him. His plans are above our own.

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55: 8-9

“There are many devices in a man’s heart; nevertheless, the counsel of the Lord, that shall stand.” Proverbs 19: 21

“The preparations of the heart in man, and the answer of the tongue is from the LORD…Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established.” Proverbs 16: 1, 3

The word for “know” in I John is “ginosko,” meaning it’s the most intimate, marriage kind of knowing. God knows every intricate detail about His plan for us. We must trust that His will is perfect and that He will work out His perfect plan for our lives in His own time and way. And even though we may not understand why we are at the place we are at right now or why these seeming God-birthed desires within us are not coming to fruition, He knows all things.

So, trust. Wait. Abide. Seek Him. And consume yourself without pouring out your life for others.

“For since the beginning of the world men have not heard, nor perceived by the ear, neither hath the eye seen, O God, beside Thee, what He hath prepared for him that waits for Him.” Isaiah 64: 4

After all, it’s all about His glory, not our desires or feelings. So the only way for Him to get glory out of us is if we yield our wills completely to His so that His purpose would be accomplished in us. And when His will and ways are given the preeminence, the result will leave us speechless. He is worthy!

Waiting, Trusting, and Following: Reflections of the Summer

This summer has certainly been an adventure. Toward the end of April and very start of May, most of my friends around me at college knew what they would be doing over the summer. Many were going to be counselors at summer camp. Some were getting jobs back home. Others were going on mission trips. However, I was still waiting. I had been praying about it, certainly, but did not have any specific direction or leading.

I thought that it would be neat to stay in Campbellsville, and it made sense. A friend and I could live together and get jobs. Well, she ended up committing to something different, and we couldn’t find jobs anyway. So, I went home. The only definite thing I had planned for the summer was the Set Apart Girl Conference at the end of May. However, before this and after having been home for a few weeks and applying for jobs (to no avail), Nikki, Veronica, and I had the opportunity to go back to Campbellsville and visit for a day (with a delicious stop at IHOP along the way). 

Little J-Ron. So precious.

Also during the month of May, my grandpa was in the hospital, so I was able to help out my family and run errands for them. It was direct confirmation that I was supposed to be at home. 

Next stop was out to Colorado for the Set Apart Girl Conference. This was an incredibly edifying time and something that I definitely needed! Truth was spoken clear and direct and was convicting. An added blessing was that I got to fellowship with seven sisters from last summer (I think our semester was the most represented!). Plus, early morning corporate prayer at Ellerslie is always so encouraging and strengthening!

Got to help out with Ellerslie Prep Academy a bit. :)

His Little Feet performed!

A sweet sister! We had been trying to get together all year and were finally able to :)

Eta girls!

I came home from the conference and again pursued trying to find a job. After many applications, I got a job at the Arby's near us. However, just a bit before this, I had heard about a camp in Tennessee called Lighthouse Christian Camp. Many tweens/teenagers from all over Tennessee come and get to hear Truth for each week. After praying it through, I believed I had a leading from the Lord to be a counselor for two weeks for teenage girls at this camp. So I resigned the job at Arby's and left to go down to Tennessee. I cannot thoroughly describe this amazing time, but God taught me so much through it. I learned what it meant to truly rely upon Him in utter dependence for energy and strength. I learned what "No downtime!" truly looked like and how to appropriate it. I learned what praying through looked like at a deeper level. It grew me tremendously, and I got to see girls come to the Gospel who were so hardened before. And before starting my time at the camp, Nikki, my mom, and I got to attend the last few days of Cross Style Training Camp.

Downtown Lebanon, TN during the Training Camp

Ellerslie Alumni (and to be Alumni) represented at Lighthouse

Sweet sisters in Christ - such a blessing!

Girls' Camp :)

I got to celebrate my 20th birthday with family (whew! Glad to be done with those "teen" years!). Jesus made it so special, and He really hallmarked to me this year how beautiful He makes things when I take no thought for my own life or manipulating circumstances so that it goes as I would want it to. Things truly do work when He's at the center!

The last two weeks in July, my mom, sister, and I went to North Carolina, where Kayla attended a medical camp. My mom and I had a marvelous time exploring North Carolina and had some great finds at Thrift Stores and Consignment Shops (the best place to find adorable, feminine skirts!). 

Duke University Chapel

Bellarmin Mansion

Carriage Ride downtown Wilmington!

Morning walk along the beach with Jesus? Yes, please.

The beginning of August, Eric came to preach at a Men's Conference near us, so Nikki and I got to run the Ellerslie book table for that and be super encouraged by the incredible turn out! Lindsey and  Melody, my room mates from last summer also got to meet up with us, and it was such a wonderful reunion!

The summer was also marked by wonderful opportunities to connect with friends from high school and family and catch up...as well as some random, hilarious moments.

Barely any lines at Holiday World and got to spend time with lovely lady.

Cousin Time!

And the random...

So, God has done mighty works this summer. I certainly felt the pressure in April to orchestrate things on my own, take the pen into my own hands, and script the story for the summer. However, waiting on God is always the best option. His ways are high above our own. 

"For since the beginning of the world men have not heard, nor perceived by the ear, neither has the eye seen, O God, beside thee, what He has prepared for him that waits for Him." Isaiah 64: 4

"Waiting on God is the first step to moving forward." Ben Zornes

"God always gives His best to those who leave the choice to Him." Jim Elliot

God keeps bringing this up to me time and time again. He always knows what is best, and I refuse to manipulate my circumstances or push forward my own agenda. I only want what He wants and what will bring Him glory. Even though it may be extremely painful at times and require a death to my desires, it's all worth it. There are so many other things that happened this summer that just shows forth His will behind it all that I couldn't or chose not to share. Oh, He is faithful and so worthy of all our trust and lives! 

"I wish Thy Way. But when in me, myself would rise and long for something otherwise, then, Holy One, take sword and spear and slay." Amy Carmichael

All for Jesus

      Recently God has been revealing to me and challenging my motivation in regards to reaching out to others, seeing people saved, and sharing Truth with people. For so long, my motivation has been because I love the people around me and do not want them to be hurt, broken, confused, etc. any longer. I want to see them living in the life and joy that is ours in Christ Jesus. I know it for myself and desperately want them to also know it.

      However, as my eyes have been opened through the Word, I’ve come to realize that this is not supposed to be our primary motivation. As shocking as this may be, love for people isn’t to be what drives us to reach out to them. It’s not supposed to be our motivation behind reaching out to people or helping them. Our motivation is always and forever to be the glory of God.

      An incredibly impactful sermon that we listened to during my Basic semester at Ellerslie is called Ten Shekels and a Shirt by Paris Reidhead. In a loud booming voice he declares, “Christianity says, ‘The end of all being is the glory of God.’ Humanism says, ‘The end of all being is the happiness of man.’ And one was born in hell, the deification of man. And the other was born in Heaven, the glorification of God!”

     An example of this would be when we tell others that Jesus Christ can and will forgive their sins. What is our motivation behind this most of the time? To see them saved so that they don’t have to go to hell? So that they can go to heaven? So that they don’t have to feel guilty anymore? However, the problem with this line of thinking is the subject of it. Notice who’s at the motivation and center of it? Them. Who should be at the motivation and center of it? Jesus.

I John 2: 12 blew me away as I’ve been studying through the passage. “I write unto you, little children, because your sins are forgiven you for His Name’s sake” (italics mine).

     Don’t misunderstand – I still greatly believe that we should have an intense love for others that drives us to spill and spend ourselves in serving them. However, what our primary motivation and fuel behind doing so is that God would get the glory due His Name because He is worthy. When you don’t feel a love for someone or when they are wrongfully treating you, you are enabled by His grace to still serve them with complete abandon because your motivation is not that person, their happiness, or their well-being but that Jesus would receive glory out of your life, their life, and your interaction with them.

“Why should a person come to the cross? Why should a person embrace death with Christ? Why should a person be willing to go, in identification, down to the cross and into the tomb and up again? I'll tell you why! BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY WAY THAT GOD CAN GET GLORY OUT OF A HUMAN BEING!!!”

"Lord Jesus, I'm going to obey You, and love You, and serve You, and do what You want me to do, as long as I live even if I go to Hell at the end of the road, simply because YOU ARE WORTHY TO BE LOVED, AND OBEYED, AND SERVED, and I 'm not trying to make a deal with you!" Paris Reidhead

Are you compelled?

What compels you?

Compel (Webster’s 1828 dictionary) - To drive or urge with force, or irresistibly; to constrain; to oblige; to necessitate, either by physical or moral force

     Does the Bible contain just a bunch of commands that you feel that you need to try to obey (at least sometimes, when it’s convenient) since Jesus saved you from hell  or are you compelled to heed His every utterance, no matter what the cost?

I’ve been studying through I John recently, particularly the first part of chapter 2.

 “We do know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments…Whosever keeps His Word in him verily is the love of God perfected. Hereby know we that we are in Him.” 2: 3, 5

     That word ‘know’ is the Greek word ‘ginosko.’ This word is the most intimate form of closeness that humans can have. In fact, it’s used to describe marriage relationships. It’s a deep, intimate knowing, the way a husband who has been married to his wife for many years would know a whole lot about her.

So, how can we be certain that we are intimate and close with Jesus? If we are keeping His commands.

     As I pondered these verses, I thought of two illustrations (though I’m certain there are more and that these both fall miserably short in describing the glorious truths of this passage):

When a godly wife is truly, madly, and deeply in love with her husband and has confidence that his sincere and deep desire is to protect, love, honor, care for, and cherish her with the utmost of his being, she will gladly obey and follow his leading. Secondly, what happens when we are so compelled out of sincere gratitude and love for someone? If we know that someone has given up a lot for us or has helped us greatly, it is a great pleasure of ours to seek to please them and bring honor to their reputation.

     Both of these translate to our relationship with Jesus. His commands are not drudgery. We submit to them and obey them out of complete joy. We are certain that only by heeding His voice can life and joy be found. His sincere desire is our good. And He cannot do us harm (Romans 8:28), so we can have absolute confidence in obeying Him that it will turn out for our good. That’s not to say it won’t be hard (it actually requires us to die to ourselves), but it’s worth it and the thought of not enduring whatever we may have to doesn’t even cross our minds. The end goal is our focus: the glory of God.

     It is essential to realize that we can try to muster up all the supposed love and gratitude we have to God, then seek to obey the commands He gives us. However, we will fail. We must become so intimate and close to Him that His life overtakes ours, and He produces His righteousness in us. You see, we know when we are close to Christ and in Him, when His commands are produced through us. His life naturally overtakes ours. Flesh no longer rules but rather is on the cross. His Spirit is at work and thus produces fruit.

 “I am crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live. Yet not I, but Christ lives in me. And the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave Himself for me. “ Galatians 2: 20

So, I ask again: What compels you?

You know that He commands us to love our neighbor. Do you just try to put up with that annoying co-worker or are you so filled with love for him and desire to see him saved and set free for the glory of God that you cannot but help pour Jesus into him?

You know that He commands us to reach out to the “least of these.” Do you get involved with a few “ministry” activities just to fulfill a command or are you so broken for them that it breaks your heart to not be involved in their lives, living with them, and pouring Truth into them?

You know that Jesus commands us to be pure, to abstain from sexual immorality (I Thessalonians 4:3). Is this some “line” that you have drawn, the whole “So I can do everything up to this point, but I probably shouldn’t go all the way?” Or is purity truly beautiful to you because He is pure? Are you irresistibly desirous to go all the way in being pure because it’s all about His glory and not your own personal pleasure (though I have found the greatest pleasure and delight in seeking purity and set-apartness!)?

     So, instead of stoically following His commands because we have to have slightly higher morals in order to be “good Christians,” let us seek Him in prayer and on our faces until we are driven or urged with irresistible force, constrained, obliged, and necessitated to obey Jesus because we are so madly and deeply in love with Him. 

Let us not sleep...

Recently, I spent two weeks as a counselor at an amazing camp in Tennessee for inner city children/teenagers. It was an incredible time, and the Lord taught or impressed further upon me so many lessons. One of these lessons was the concept of “watchfulness.”

Matthew 26: 41 says, “Watch and pray, that you enter not into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

This word “watch” literally means vigilant, expectant, and active. As defined by the Webster’s dictionary (of 1828), “forbearance (shunning, omitting, avoiding) of sleep; attendance without sleep; Guard; vigilance for keeping or protecting against danger; to observe in order to detect or prevent; unable to sleep.”

Do you see how important this word is in the spiritual sense? What happens when we let down our guard, when we “fall to sleep” spiritually? Temptation is able to take hold of us and gain ground. The enemy is able to ransack our own souls and the souls of those around us.

What would have happened if, even though we were all very tired, the rest of the counselors and I decided to “fall asleep” spiritually? What if we decided that we all needed some “veg out” time, and the campers could just talk about whatever they felt like talking about, do whatever they felt like doing, etc.? The work that the Lord was seeking to do in their souls would have been hindered, and temptation could have taken root within us, since we weren't on our guard against it.

“But know this, that if the good-man (or strong man) of the house had known in what watch the thief would come, he would have watched, and would not have suffered his house to be broken into.” Matthew 24: 43

If we are not watchful, the enemy can gain access to our souls and the souls of those entrusted to our care.

“Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving.” Colossians 4: 2. 

One of the main excuses we can give for not praying is that we don’t have time or that we are too tired. If we don’t pray, we are not on guard against the enemy. One of our greatest weapons is prayer. If we “don’t have time” for prayer, what are we doing instead? Watching TV? Facebook? Movies? Idle talk with friends? Texting? We aren't being watchful. We are giving the enemy ground.

Or maybe we’re too tired for prayer and to keep watch with Jesus?

“You are the children of light, and the children of the day. We are not of the night, nor of the darkness. Therefore, let us not sleep, as do others, but let us watch and be sober.” I Thessalonians 5:6.

The word “sober” implies clearness, clarity of mind, no fogginess. We are not to be asleep or foggy-minded spiritually. We are to be constantly engaged, constantly watchful. The enemy will take every opportunity to plant a seed of temptation in our hearts if we are not watchful. Let us not allow one iota of darkness within our souls.

“Be sober; be vigilant because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.” I Peter 5: 8

How would all this apply practically?

                *We don’t “disengage” from the battle by “vegging out” in front of movies, television, Facebook, etc. Even if we do participate in these things, we are still alert spiritually with a focused mind. We are extremely watchful about what we partake in. Darkness gains ground in our souls subtly.

                *Tiredness does not rule us. If we are in Christ, we have the authority of Jesus. Therefore, our bodies are not our masters. They are subservient. And when we feel tired or like we just need a nap, we command our bodies to be subservient to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and call upon Him for His enabling grace. He will supply all we need for what He has called us to.

                *We don’t seek to “preserve” our energy for a later time. We pour out ourselves and all we are constantly, trusting that He will fill us back up.

                *Pray. No matter what we must sacrifice, no matter how much sleep we must give up, we seek Jesus in prayer. This is where true refreshment and renewal comes from. This is the only way we will be able to pour into others.

This probably seems impossible. It is. However, since He has called us to it, He has also given us the means to live it out. We can’t live this out. I knew very clearly last week that I had no human strength to live out this impossible calling. His grace is sufficient (II Corinthians 9: 8; 12:9; Philippians 2: 13; Romans 6-8). Let us lean upon Him, pick up our swords, and fully engage in this battle to see souls rescued for the glory of King Jesus!